Speed Dating Events

Now boys, three cheers for Venus, hip hip hip hooray. Oh how I enjoy sex and oh how I enjoy it. There have been many funny things about sex in my life that have made me laugh and so now I will tell you

`Will you be mine?’ This question which enshrines the classic marriage proposal can and does carry another meaning. Not all love encounters are fated to end in marriage. Ardent suitors frequently have something more immediate in view.

As every woman knows, for every proposal of marriage you get at least twenty propositions. Even with the best willy in the world a man can only marry one woman at a time, and that isn’t usually sufficient to exhaust his interest in the opposite sex. So after a decent interval (and sometimes not even that!) married men rejoin their single brothers in the chase. And central to their concerns once more becomes the compelling thought of jollies, and how to get them.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be, of course. The love story always used to rise to its triumphant climax at the altar, after which, we were told, ‘they lived happily ever after’. And so they may, and millions do. But not necessarily with each other, or only with each other. Some men (and women) can’t manage without a ménage, and three seems an unduly self-denying number of partners in these liberated days.

But partners, whether sexual or matrimonial, still have to be wooed and won. The act of love lies somewhere between the belly and the mind’, according to Roger McGough. And somewhere between complete indifference and full commitment lies the proposition.

A proposition is generally taken to be a very different transaction from a proposal. But it is closely related to its more respectable brother, if on the wrong side of the blanket. The one may be only the other in undress, so to speak. A nationwide survey of couples about to be married discovered that while most proposals are still made over a romantic dinner for two, or on bended knee, ‘a notable number are now made in bed’. So it’s true that one thing really does lead to another!

Of the twin transactions, the proposition is the one that has shown a far more vigorous rate of activity than the proposal. Men think very seriously before popping the question, and will only propose two or three times at most in their entire lives. But they’ll proposition much more freely, on the ‘you can’t win the raffle if you don’t buy a ticket’ principle. One highly successful propositioner explained his secret, which like all schemes of sheer genius was based on the utmost simplicity:

It’s like this. I just ask all the women I meet. Then if only half of them say yes, I’m getting 50% more than I would have anyway.

As you see, the beauty of this system is its utter transparency. Percentages or no, you don’t have to be a leading mathematician to apply it — just a perennial optimist with the hide of a rhino.

The amount of propositioning that goes on is quite amazing, but for the most part these heroic endeavours are unacknowledged and unsung. They simply don’t come up as a subject of what my beloved mother used to call Polite Conversation. Yet it’s going on, in life and literature, enthusiastically, all the time. Blush not, gentle reader! let other pens dwell on guilt and misery’, invited Jane Austen when she hove in sight of the illicit jollies at the end of Mansfield Park. And they have, dear reader, they have!

For not all hopeful admirers are men of honour. One woman’s prince is another one’s toad, and the knight inside his shining armour is just an old wicked seducer, the eternal opportunist bent on getting something for nothing but the price of asking. While some men have vexed their souls worrying about how to deliver a proposal, others have exercised their wits on how to phrase a proposition — the other side of the same coin that buys a woman’s consent.

How to ask for IT? and successfully? Much mental effort has gone into the demands of this game. It is in fact the leading leisure activity of the entire population apart from infants and the hopelessly insane. It has only remained uncommercialized because no one’s going to pay for what they can find all about them, in highways and byeways, country lanes or city streets. And a modest but regular level of fun is expected by every red-blooded member of the human race — you don’t have to be a US citizen to feel that you are entitled to life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

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The Art of the Proposition, Enshrines Classic Marriage Proposal part 1

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