Being a creature unlike any other is a state of mind. You don’t have to be rich, beautiful, or exceptionally smart to feel this way about yourself. And you don’t have to be born with this feeling either.

Being a creature unlike any other is really an attitude, a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe. It’s the way you smile (you light up the room), pause in between sentences (you don’t babble on and on out of nervousness), listen (attentively), look (demurely, never stare), breathe (slowly), stand (straight), and walk (briskly, with your shoulders back).

It doesn‘t matter if you’re not a beauty queen, that you never finished college, or that you don’t keep up with current events. You still think you’re enough! You have more confidence than women with MBAs or money in the bank. You don’t grovel. You’re not desperate or anxious. You don’t date men who don’t want you. You trust in the abundance and goodness of the universe: if not him, someone better, you say. You don’t settle. You don’t chase anyone. You don’t use sex to make men love you. You believe in love and marriage. You’re not cynical. You don’t go to pieces when a relationship doesn‘t work out. Instead, you get a manicure and go out on another date or to a singles dance. You’re an optimist. You brush away a tear so that it doesn‘t smudge your makeup and you move on! Of course, that is not how you really feel. This is how you pretend you feel until it feels real. You act as if!

On a date, you never show that getting married is foremost on your mind. You’re cool. He may think you’ve turned down several marriage proposals. You sip—never slurp—your drink and let him find out all about you, instead of the other way around. Your answers are short, light, and flirtatious. Your gestures are soft and feminine. When your hair falls in front of your face, you tilt your head back and comb back your hair with your hand from the top of your head in a slow, sweeping motion.

All your movements —the way you excuse yourself to use the ladies room or look at your watch to end the date—are fluid and sexy, not jerky or self-con‑scious. You’ve been on many dates before; you’re a pro. That’s because you take care of yourself. You didn’t lie in bed depressed, eating cakes before the date. You took a bubble bath, and built up your soul with positive slogans like, “I’m a beautiful woman. I am enough.” You told yourself that you don’t have to do anything more on the date than show up. He’ll either love you or not. It’s not your fault if he doesn‘t call again. You’re beautiful, inside and out. Someone else will love you if he doesn‘t. All that matters is that you end the date first.

When you go to singles dances or parties, you pump yourself up. You pretend you’re a movie star. You hold your head high and walk in as if you just flew in from Paris on the Concorde. You’re only in town for one night and if some lucky hunk doesn‘t swoop down and grab you it’ll be his loss!

You get a drink, a Perrier perhaps, even if you’re not thirsty. It keeps your hands busy so you don’t bite your nails or twirl your hair out of nervousness. You don’t show that you’re nervous, even if you are. That’s the secret: you act as if everything’s great, even if you’re on the verge of flunking college or getting fired. You walk briskly, as if you know where you’re going, which is just around the room. You keep moving. You don’t stand in a corner waiting for anyone. They have to catch you in motion.

If you think you aren’t pretty, if you think other girls are better dressed or thinner or cooler, you keep it to yourself. You tell yourself, “Any man would be lucky to have me,” until it sinks in and you start to believe it. If a man approaches you, you smile and answer his questions very nicely without saying too much. You’re demure, a bit mysterious. You leave him hungry for more, as opposed to bored. After a few minutes you say, “I think I’ll walk around now.”

Most women hang around men all night waiting to be asked to dance.. If he wants to be with you or get your phone number, he’ll search the crowded room until he finds you. You don’t offer him your pen or business card. You don’t make it easy for him. Don’t even carry them with you or you may be tempted to “help him out.” The reason is that he has to do all the work. As he scrambles around begging the coat-check girl for a pen, you stand by quietly.

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