Speed Dating Events

Men Are Not Good at House Chores and Women Are Not Household Servants

While visiting primitive villages relatively untouched by modern civilization, I was able to directly observe how men and women interacted differently. Women appeared very content to share and give all day long and on into the evening. They loved giving more. Even at dusk the women could be seen busily talking, sharing, cooking, cleaning, and washing together while managing their children. Meanwhile, the men were sitting in a circle, recuperating from the stress of their day by silently gazing into the fire, singing songs, telling stories and jokes, or playing games.

At a superficial glance when observing a group of women working at dusk and a group of men sitting silently in a circle, one could easily conclude that the men were lazy and that the women were servants. But by looking more closely you would see that the men greatly respected the women, and the women appreciated the men. The men served the women through men’s work, and the women expressed their appreciation by waiting on men when they were home.

The women were happy to continue giving more because they were also receiving back from each other. The men sitting by the fire were not lazy but were coping with the stress of their work and wisely making a transition back into family life.

To understand this scene it is necessary to remember that these women working at dusk had not been doing “men’s work” during the day. They, like their mothers, preferred ^“women’s work” and didn‘t want to do “men’s work.” Likewise, the men preferred their work and didn‘t want to do women’s work. It was a fair bargain. She was happy in her work, and he in his. Men were not regarded as lazy or women as servants, and both enjoyed mutual appreciation and respect.

Husband’s Job or Wife’s Job

The division of labor in a primitive tribe, as in our parents’ generation, was much clearer and well defined. When men did men’s work and women did women’s work, women did not expect men to work much at home. They knew his work outside the home was more focused, risky, uncomfortable, and demanding. When he returned home, the woman appreciated his efforts and fully embraced his need to relax and rest before going back out. Women were happy to support men in this way.

When ancient men left on hunting trips, women were glad to stay home and safely nurture their families and friends. They were happy to do “feminine work” as long as they were not isolated and felt supported by friends. Women learned to depend on men as providers and protectors and nothing more. That was enough for them, and they didn‘t require anything else.

Women adapted in a very practical sense by doing everything in the home because it was never certain when the men would come home from a hunting trip. Women successfully satisfied this requirement by looking to each other for support. In modern times, this support for women is sorely missed and the result is burnout.

Get ready for a Burn Out

Today, while men are away working, women are also away working; modern women don’t have the time, energy, or opportunity to support each other as their mothers did. A modern woman will give and give, hut because she is not feeling supported, she commonly returns home feeling burned out.

In addition, when a woman is dependent not on a man but on her work to survive, her tendency to give freely is also restricted. If a women gives to make money, her support is not “freely offered.” This manner of conditional giving further disconnects her from her femininity.

Conditional giving further disconnects the wage-earning woman from her femininity.

In ways such as conditional giving, working women are required to be overly masculine. They are no longer supported in expressing their femaleness through mothering, working together in cooperative and nurturing relationships, gathering (shopping), and homemaking. This tipping of the balance toward their masculine aspect is rapidly creating female burnout and dissatisfaction throughout the modern world.

The women of ancient days didn‘t burn out because their work environment nurtured their female nature. Women today burn out because they are not being sufficiently nurtured in their jobs. Ultimately, it is not how much a woman does but the quality of her relationships and the support she receives that determine the difference between burnout and fulfillment.

The difference between female burnout and fulfillment is determined not by how much a woman does at work but by the quality of the support she receives.

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