Speed Dating Events

There’s not nearly so much pressure on you as there is on your best man so try to relax. Just imagining how he must feel leading up to the most anticipated speech of the night should be enough to calm your nerves. There are only a few things that are really expected from the groom’s speech and they are quite easily achievable, no matter how bad a public speaker you are.

Traditionally the father of the bride speaks first and thanks all the guests for coming. He then normally says a few words about his daughter before proposing a toast to the happy couple. After he’s sat down it’s your turn. Your major jobs are:

• to thank the father of the bride for his speech and his toast
• to say something about how happy you are today and something about your fantastic new wife
• to give out thank-you gifts to your best man and ushers, as well as the bridesmaids, the mothers of the bride and groom and anyone else who may have helped out — your neighbour who made the cake for example
• to finish by toasting the bridesmaids.

Your speech is then followed by the best man’s. His role is to thank you for your toast to the bridesmaids, on their behalf, and also to offer thanks from any other attendants. After that he’s expected to launch into a humorous speech with plenty of anecdotes about you but finding a tone that will appeal to both your lewdest mates and your grandma, plus he has to manage not to offend anyone whilst still being entertaining. Finally he has to say something nice about you too before proposing a toast to the happy couple. It’s a tall order.

It’s not unusual these days for the chief bridesmaid to stand up to say a few words. The best man speech is always the one most anticipated so it’s generally saved until last so, while the chief bridesmaid can be fitted into the order wherever seems most appropriate, perhaps the best choice is just before the best man.

There are a few basic rules that you would do well to adhere to:

• You need to be entertaining but, more importantly, sincere. Your guests will be expecting the best man to provide the belly laughs not you, so they will really just want to hear something about how important this day and your new wife are to you.
• Try not to get carried away. Any more than seven minutes is really too long.
• Commit as much of your speech to memory as you can so that you can look at your guests or your bride when you are speaking. If you can’t do that, at least memorise the opening lines and then try to look up as much as possible when you are reading from your sheet.

Speak loudly and try not to rush. The temptation will be to speed through it all if you are nervous but it will come across as garbled. Guests won’t know what you are saying and therefore you won’t get the responses you are after.

Don’t go it alone

It’s not unusual these days for your bride to want to stand up and say a few words too. There’s no traditional format for when and how she does this so it’s really up to you both. She might want to follow you, before the best man has a turn, or it might be nice if she speaks directly after her father and personally thanks him for his kind words about her. Equally, you could stand up together and share a speech, which means she can also take part in giving out thank-you gifts and take some of the pressure off you.

Just a shy guy

If the thought of standing up in front of a crowd is giving you sleepless nights, try to stay calm. If you are being made deeply unhappy by the whole idea, then you don’t have to say any more than the minimum thank you and toasts. But remember that this is a one-off moment in you life, so it might be a shame to let it pass without saying something. Everyone at the wedding will want the best for you; they are your friends and it is your wedding day, so they’re really not going to be mean.

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