Speed Dating Events

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me (Dick Martin).

Actually, I believe in marriage, having done it several times (Joan Collins). Second marriage: the triumph of hope over experience (Samuel Johnson).

If you would have a happy family life, remember two things: in matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current (Thomas Jefferson).

The heart can do anything (French proverb).

A good husband should be deaf and a good wife blind (French proverb).

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go out to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesday, I go Fridays (Henry Youngman).

It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one a failure (Herbert Samuel).

Don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the stars! (Bette Davis to Paul Henreid in Now Voyager).

Married couples resemble a pair of scissors, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them (Sydney Smith).

Every man needs a wife because things sometimes go wrong that you can’t blame on the government (Anon).

Marriage teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint and many other qualities you wouldn’t need if you stayed single (Anon).

A ring on the finger is worth two on the phone (Harold Thomson).

Two souls with but a single thought,

Two hearts that beat as one (Maria Lovell).

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up (Joseph Barth). Let there be spaces in your togetherness (Kahlil Gibran).

When you are in love, you tell each other a thousand things without talking (Hawaiian proverb).

Let’s get married . . . It’s a piece of paper but it says, ‘I love you’ (The Proclaimers, Let’s Get Married).

I will never marry because I could never be satisfied with any woman stupid enough to have me (Abraham Lincoln).

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life (Lord Byron).

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off and it was so successful she turned it into a series (Bob Hope).

I’m not so old, and not so plain, and I’m quite prepared to marry again (W.S. Gilbert — useful for second marriages).

Go together like a horse and carriage. (Popular song by Sammy Cahn — particularly apt if the couple travelled by horse and carriage).

Marriage is an armed alliance against the outside world (G.K. Chesterton).

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart (Helen Keller).

Everything I do I do it for you (Record-breaking No. 1 hit by Bryan Adams).

Love is like a curry. You really have to have confidence in it to enjoy it (Mike Smith).

A woman is like a tea bag — you don’t know her strength until she is in hot water (Nancy Reagan).

Mary and I have been married for 47 years, and not once have we ever had an argument serious enough to mention the word divorce . . . murder, yes, but divorce, never (Jack Benny).

I am feeling very lonely. I’ve been married for 15 years, and yesterday my wife ran off with the chap next door. I’m going to miss him terribly (Les Dawson).

I don’t for the life of me understand why people keep insisting marriage is doomed. All five of mine worked out (Peter De Vries).

I’m the only man who has a marriage licence made out ‘To Whom It May Concern’ (Mickey Rooney).

Marriage turns a night owl into a homing pigeon (Glenn Shelton).

Most girls seem to marry men who happen to be like their fathers. Maybe that’s why so many mothers cry at weddings (Jenny Eclair).

Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age (Dudley Moore). Love is the answer and you know that for sure (John Lennon).

When I proposed, I said, ‘I offer you my hand, my heart and my washing’ (A.A. Milne).

Marriage: a strong union which defies management (Will Rogers). It was a beautiful wedding — one of my better ones (Jim Davidson).

Woman begins by resisting man’s advances and ends by blocking his retreat (Oscar Wilde).

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all the afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night (Marie Corelli).

Getting married is like getting a dog. It teaches you to be less self-centred, to expect sudden, surprising outbursts of affection, and not to be upset by a few scratches on your car (Will Stanton).

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays; clutch it, and it darts away (Dorothy Parker).

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone (Anthony Burgess).

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