Speed Dating Events

Don’t call men,except occasionally to return their calls. When a boyfriend calls you, don’t stay on the phone for more than ten minutes. Buy a timer if you have to. When the bell rings, you have to go! That way you seem busy and you won’t give away too much about yourself or your plans (even if you don’t have any plans). By ending the conversation first, you leave them wanting more. Good conversation enders are: “I have a million things to do,” “Well, it’s been really nice talking to you,” “Actually, I’m kind of busy right now,” and “My beeper’s beeping, got to run!” Remember to say these things in a very nice way.

Women love to talk. And one of their biggest -faults is talking to men as if they were their girl-friends, therapists, or next-door neighbours. Remember, early on in a relationship, the boyfriend is the adversary (if he’s someone you really like). He has the power to hurt you by never calling again, by treating you badly, or by being around but indifferent. While it’s also true that you can reject him, the fact is that it’s the boyfriend who notices you, asks you out, and ultimately proposes marriage. He runs the show. The best way to protect yourself from pain is to not get emotionally involved too quickly.

So don’t stay on the phone for an hour or two recounting your feelings or every incident of the day. You’ll become transparent very quickly and run the risk of making him tired or bored. He does not want to date his crazy younger sister, his chatterbox mother, or his gossipy next-door neighbour. He wants to talk to a girl who’s friendly, light, and breezy. By getting off the phone first, you don’t have to wonder if you’ve kept him on too long, bored him, or revealed too much about yourself. Because it can be very difficult to monitor the amount of time you spend on the phone when you are “in like” or in love, we again suggest using a timer or stopwatch. When the bell rings, you sweetly say, “I really have to go now.” A timer is objective; you are not.

It doesn’t matter if you’re having a great conversation and you want to tell him all about what happened to you between the ages of five and six that shaped your life. When the bell rings, the conversation is over. Remember, you always want to be mysterious. Having to get off the phone first creates a certain amount of mystery in his mind. He’ll wonder why you have to go so soon, what you’re doing, and if you’re dating someone else. It’s good for him to wonder about you. The Dating (and a timer) will make him wonder about you a lot.

You may think that men will find your abruptly ending a phone call rude and won’t call again. On the contrary, just the opposite often happens simply because men are irrational when it comes to love. For example, our friend Janet set her timer to four minutes one evening. “Got to go,” she said at the sound of the bell. Five minutes later he called back to insist that they start seeing each other twice a week instead of once a week. The four-minute call worked like a charm, bringing him closer to her, not (as you would expect) farther away.

If you’re a genuinely nice person, you will probably feel cruel when you do The Dating. You may think you are making men suffer, but in reality you are actually doing them a favour. By doing The Dating, you make men want to spend more time with you on the phone and in person. They get to experience longing! Tell yourself you are doing them a favour when you feel heartless about doing The Dating!

Another tip for driving a boyfriend to madness is to turn off your answering machine on a Sunday afternoon, and see if he doesn’t go crazy trying to pin you down. When Cindy tried this tactic, her boyfriend ended up calling so many times that day that he activated her answering machine. (Some machines will automatically turn on after fourteen rings. Can you imagine him letting it ring fourteen times?!) When he finally got her on the phone that night, he possessively asked, “Where have you been? I wanted to take you for a drive in the country.” It’s good when men get upset; it means they care about you. If they’re not angry, they’re indifferent, and if they’re indifferent, they’ve got one foot out the door. Getting off the phone after a few minutes is not easy, but it works.

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