Speed Dating Events

Our friend Kate felt that she was “losing” Jeff, her boyfriend of three months, when after a Saturday night date he said good-bye very casually and told her, “I’ll call you. I’ll let you know what’s a good night for me next week.” Kate felt the tables turning and took an extreme but necessary Dating action. She didn’t answer her phone the night he usually called. She just listened to it ring and ring. When he finally reached her the next day at work, he was a little less cocky and somewhat nervous. He asked her what night would be good for her! The phone strategy worked — he never pulled another stunt like that again.

Here’s another phone tip: if you’re home on a Friday night because you’re tired or don’t have a date, leave the answering machine on or have your mum or roommate say you’re not home. That way, if by some chance he calls you on a Friday night because he’s not doing anything either, he’ll think you’re not home. The worst thing you can do is give him the impression that you aren’t busy and sought after by other men. Don’t let him think that you’re a couch potato, even if you are. Don’t think playing games is bad. Sometimes game playing is good. Men like to think that they are getting a catch. Show him that you have a full life, that you are independent.

On any other night when he calls and you pick up the phone, don’t feel you have to tell him exactly what you are doing. After a few minutes, just say you’re busy (nicely) and can’t talk anymore. You won’t be lying because sometimes you are busy — doing the laundry; just don’t tell him you’re doing the laundry. Never let him think, even if it’s true, that you are home thinking about him and making the wedding guest list. Men love the seemingly unattainable girl!

Lest you think this advice is old-fashioned, remind yourself that you are a very fulfilled person — stable, functional, and happy—with a career, friends, and hobbies, and that you are perfectly capable of living with or without him. You are not an empty vessel waiting for him to fill you up, support your or give you a life. You are alive and enthusiastic, engaged in work and in living fully on your own. Men like women who are their own person, not needy leeches waiting to be rescued. The Dating are not about being rescued!

In fact, the biggest mistake a woman can make when she meets a boyfriend she wants to marry is to make him the centre of her life. She may jeopardize her job by daydreaming at her desk about Prince Charming rather than rolling up her sleeves and working. All she thinks about and talks about is him. She bores her girlfriends to death with details about every date. She is constantly looking for ties to buy him or clipping newspaper articles that he would find interesting. Not only is such behaviour unhealthy, but also it’s the surest way to lose him.

First of all, he may be overwhelmed by all the attention. Second, he may never propose. And third, he may never rescue you emotionally and financially in the way you think. Even if he marries you, he may always have that night out with the boys, his hobbies, or that Sunday morning basketball game. And he may want a working wife. So better get used to the idea now that you must have a life of your own a job, interests, hobbies, friends that you can fill up on in between dates and even when you are married. The worst thing you can do when dating is to expect him to be your entertainment director. Don’t call him just because you’re bored or want attention. Be happy and busy. He should always be catching you coming or going.

We hear again and again about women whose worlds shrink when they meet Mr. Right. When you meet Mr. Right is precisely the time to take up tennis, get an MBA, or go on that camping trip with your friends.

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