When you feel the need for reassurance, look to your girlfriends to remind you of the ways he’s been thoughtful and sweet recently. Pull out your wedding pictures and think about how good you felt that day. Make your own gratitude list of things he’s done that show he loves you, but don’t ask him to expound on his affection for you when he’s distant or grouchy. Instead, let him be.

I recommend doing whatever you need to do to avoid getting entangled in whatever situation is putting him in a bad mood. Get out of the house, visit a friend, watch television, or read a book. Distract yourself with self-care. His mood will pass eventually. The only constructive thing to do is to wait it out without inviting him to talk about the issue with you, since you’re not his mom or his therapist.

Of course if he volunteers to talk about what’s going on with him, then you’ll want to be a good listener as you reflect your trust and respect. There’s no need to avoid this conversation; just don’t try to start it for him.

Remember: Let him work out his own problems and don’t put yourself in harm’s way by looking for tenderness when his is on hiatus.

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