Speed Dating Events

He’s been acting weird. You’re not sure, but you’re afraid that trouble’s afoot. Does he:

1. insist that he loves you and needs you—but he’ll miss you, since he’s going away for the fifth weekend in a row to “bond with his brother”?
2. Refuse to kiss you with his whole mouth, even after you’ve brushed your teeth?
3. sigh wistfully when he sees a beer commercial?
4. Tell you he doesn’t mind if you go kayaking on the Colorado River without a life jacket—or a kayak?
5. hold you tight, rock you gently, and cry while insisting that you deserve better?

Answer: If you circled any of the above—be afraid. Be very afraid.

Could this mean the love is fading? You can’t believe it. And yet, do you still find yourself:

1. Inquiring a mite too often about the new receptionist with the big hair at his office?
2. Having lunch with said receptionist and grilling her for information?
3. Holding his unopened mail up to the light and/or the steam of a whistling teakettle?
4. Hunting like a woman possessed through his drawers for  You-don’t-know-what-but-you’ll-recognize-it-when-yousee-it?
5. picking up the messages on his machine (of course you know his code, you canny girl) and then going insane because that woman “Cecile” keeps calling him about his “overdue MasterCard bill”?

Answer: If you circled any of the above, your paranoia is showing. And while a healthy dose of jealousy is normal, moonlighting as a detective is something else entirely. Little tip: If you don’t trust him, it’s not a good sign.

You’re listening to the radio and a sad song about waning romance comes on. Do you:

1. Change stations?
2. Weep uncontrollably and claw at the furniture?
3. Mournfully howl, “It’s true, it’s all true”?
4. suddenly proclaim the songwriter a genius, even though his videos consist primarily of blonde, scantily clad, tattooed girls chained to motorcycles?
5. whip out your  special and blow your stereo receiver to kingdom come?

Answer: If you circled a through 4, you’re either on an intense hormonal jag, have flashed back to a pathetic former life, or are, indeed, at the beginning of the end. If you circled 5, we suggest you seek professional help, pronto.

In the beginning of the beginning, the two of you had so much in common. Nowadays, you:

1. can’t believe that you ever thought the smoked-glass-andlacquer furniture in his apartment was anything but the devil’s handiwork. You feel compelled to tell him this, often.
2. Have severely unbalanced libidos—and shattered egos, to match.
3. Notice that even though neither of you ever was much for working out, recently he’s been doing an awful lot of it by himself. Not to be outdone, you lift and hurl insults, epithets, and heavy, sodden tissues daily.
4. Have acquired a sudden distaste for each other’s friends and family.
5. Share only rising resentment and frustration.

Answer: Although an occasional squabble is to be expected, if you circled any of the above, you’ve passed the limits of healthy dissent. Especially if you circled e, fasten your seat belt—it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

You’re having dinner with your friend/mother/sympathetic colleague. You suddenly burst into tears. When she asks you what’s wrong, you say:

1. “I asked for salad dressing on the side.”
2. “What do you mean? I always do this when I’m happy.”
3. “Waiter, there’s misery and destruction in my soup.”
4. “Oh, nothing—just my entire life, that’s all.”
5. “I know I’ll never love this way again.”

Answer: If you circled 1 or 2, you’re in deep denial. If you circled c, try to lighten up a little; that thing in your soup may look like misery and destruction, but here on Earth, we call it a fly. If you circled d or e, you have a taste for melodrama, as well as salad dressing on the side. And by the way, if you circled any of the above, well, we hate to break it to you, but .. .

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)
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• Old Tale of Breakup
• Enough is Enough: what to so if you are stalked on your dating
• Funny Wits
• The Forces Against, Roses, Passion, Music part 1
• Farewell, Beloved part 2
• Farewell, Beloved part 1
• The Forces Against, Roses, Passion, Music part 2
• Funny Wits continued
• Farewell, Beloved part 3