Every day you will see storybook couples, infuriatingly happy with one another. Everything looks good about them – their smiles, their hair, even their fashion sense seems flawless. They look completely absorbed in love. Their sex life is great, you don’t doubt, and each and every second they spend together must be as hot as bonfire night.

Then you’ll look at your date. You’ll see his or her flaws, and then you will feel troubled by the fact that you are seeing the flaws. You will think that the people around you are much more attracted to each other than you are to your date. You may well become convinced that because you have your doubts about the relationship this is proof positive that you are not truly happy. And then you will remember all those ‘perfect’ couples out there, and envy their ‘happiness’. They say that getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

Coveting another person’s happiness is just as wrong as coveting their property. What’s worse, it is very stupid, as you cannot possibly know how happy they really are – if at all. You are merely projecting your standards of happiness onto them, and then envying that illusion.

A woman with a broken heart came to her Rabbi to lament the difficult times she was having with her husband. ‘We fight a lot and I look around and see how happy all my friends are with their husbands and I feel even more miserable.’

The Rabbi said to her, ‘How could you possibly know what goes on behind closed doors? You don’t, but I do. Because when people have problems in their relationship, they come to people like me, not to you.’

He then encouraged her to take a more realistic approach to the effort which every marriage needs in order to succeed.

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