Speed Dating Events

Rabbi Yonah says that even if you are honest and open about coveting something, this will still have destructive consequences. For example if you desire to buy an object that belongs to your friend, and you know that once you ask him for it he will find it difficult to say no, it is forbidden to make the request. Your covetousness has become coercive and therefore very unfair.

This is a very important lesson in dating. Don’t use even subtle means to make your date do something they don’t want to do. If you know they can’t say ‘no’ to you about something important, then do the right thing and don’t ask for it in the first place. If you know that she or he must work over a weekend, or risk losing their job, then don’t insist they come away with you. Don’t be childish and say, ‘I don’t think you love me.’ Don’t use guilt to induce love. They may be so reluctant to disappoint you that they will consider agreeing, but the consequences of this will be disastrous for everyone.

And gentlemen, if your girlfriend is not ready for sex, but you know that she won’t refuse your advances because she is afraid of offending you or losing your trust, then do the right thing and don’t ask her. Be a gentleman. Even though ‘she gives in, resentment will build up and she‘ll be upset that you pushed her to do something she wasn’t comfortable with.

A final word on coveting and contentment

After he had conquered the entire known world, Alexander the Great left instructions that he should be buried with his hands left outside the coffin so that all could see that although he had conquered the world, he could carry nothing with him out of it.

When all is said and done, many of the measures listed above will not be necessary, once you have properly internalised and understood the central message of the Tenth Commandment, that you must be content in your relationship for it to succeed. An inner sense of satisfaction will actually prevent covetous feelings from happening in the first place. The real value of human life is derived from the joy of acknowledging all blessings.

And the most important of these is love.

The first man and woman were naked. They had nothing to hide. They had no need to put on clothing because they didn’t feel inadequate. They didn’t need external accessories in order to lend them dignity. Nor did they need to put on clothing with some designer label, because they didn’t feel that their own name wasn’t good enough. They were naked and innocent.

Every man and woman is born like Adam and Eve, born innocent. It is not a virtue you have to acquire, but it is something you can lose.

Understand their secrets, and unlike Adam and Eve you may never have to leave Paradise. You can live forever in the Garden of Eden which consists primarily of a long and happy marriage.

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